Watch Your Tone
Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be nice. "Research has shown that children are much more likely to cooperate when parents use a pleasant tone of voice," says Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University. "Please" isn't called the magic word for nothing. Using it can get your foot-dragging toddler to put on her pj's without a fuss. "When you're giving your child instructions, it's also crucial to be very clear about what you want her to do -- she should be able to picture the behavior in her mind," says Dr. Kazdin. For instance, it's much more effective to say, "Please go into the den and clean up all the crayons on the table," rather than, "Didn't I ask you to clean up your crayons?" (Rhetorical questions will get you absolutely nowhere.)

The final word: thanks. "It's particularly important to acknowledge your child's efforts by saying 'thank you,'" says Dr. Acredolo. "We're all more likely to cooperate in the future when we feel appreciated."

Give Choices
The most effective way to get your child to cooperate is to give her two choices -- both of which you'll be happy with. When you say, "Do you want to wear your blue jacket or the green sweatshirt with the hood?" it'll be a win-win situation: You give your child a sense of control, and he'll be ready to go out one way or the other. Don't offer a toddler or preschooler an open-ended array of options ("What do you want to wear today?") because the decision will be too overwhelming. "Of course, you can't always give your child choices because you would never get out of the house on time," says Dr. Kazdin. "But do it whenever you can."

Rephrase Your Requests
You'll get fast results when you stick to the facts, so we've got suggestions for easy ways to say what you mean.

Instead of: "Your room is a mess. Would you take five minutes to get all those clothes off the floor?"
Say: "If your clothes aren't in the hamper, they won't get washed. Take five minutes to toss them in, please."
Instead of: "Are you going to feed the fish?"
Say: "Those fish look hungry. It's time to feed them."
Instead of: "Can we turn off the TV and do something else for a change?"
Say: "This show is over. It's time for playing with your blocks or going outside."
Instead of: "Would you put on your sneakers? We're late."
Say: "Your sneakers need to be on. We're late."

Rephrase Your Questions
Instead of: "Would you like to have string beans for dinner?"
Say: "We're having string beans with our pasta for dinner."

Instead of: "I think it's time to try sitting on the potty now. Are you ready?"
Say: "Let's go to the potty. Do you want to read a book about Elmo or Clifford?"

Instead of: "You look tired -- aren't you ready for your nap?"
Say: "It's time for your nap now."
Instead of: "Are you ready for Mommy to leave now?"
Say: "Mommy is leaving now, and you'll have lots of fun with Grandma."

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